My Truth on this 4th of July

I’m not good at writing in this blog as often as I should. Now that I’m retired, I have more of a chance to write than ever before, so I like to spend time writing or editing my novels. I am thrilled to have one novel out, The Swan Garden, with a 2nd completed, and in the editing stages (can’t give out the title yet), but due out by winter 2017. A third book, memoir, also completed, (title not set yet). I am outlining my 4th book (3rd novel) I am 67 and I have written more in the last 5 years then my entire life. Now for that I am forever grateful.

I know I created this website for my writing and about being adopted and the Irish mother-baby homes. It is funny these topics are in my head every day as I write about Ireland and its history. I can’t seem to go a day without reading an article about how angry I should be because I was adopted, or how thankful I should be for being adopted, even though my identity was stripped from me. Nor does a day go by that I don’t think about what may have happened behind those gray walls at Castlepollard. My imagination can invent a scenario, but it would be nothing like the reality. Every day I wonder why my b-mother won’t write to me, or respond to my calls, but I find ways to get past it and still love her.

I talk to my adoptive mother every day. She is 104, lives alone and is quite an amazing woman. We didn’t have the best of relationships, and there were times she hurt me so badly I never thought I would heal, but I did, slowly the wounds closed and I found a way to forgive (10 years of therapy). I remember one day in therapy, my therapist said, no one wakes up in the morning set on hurting people, they do the best they can, with what they have. I have believed that and that is how I have been able to keep her a part of my life. She did her best, as we all try to do.That was her.

She lost a 16-year-old daughter, the absolute love of her life, then brought in a sickly orphan who she had no clue what to do with, besides even try to love her. I could never have imagined losing my daughter (or son) at that age, nor could I have opened my arms to let a stranger in, a stranger who had her life stripped from her.

(I must say at this point I am angry at the Irish government for not talking better care of us babies, for leaving us in the hands of others. I was a child I could not care for myself. I needed someone, and you as an institution, a country, you failed us,a nd you will have to live with that, because we are not going away. And that is all I have to say about that.

I am more sick about the condition our country is in, then my past laments.

I am sick that we are allowing one person to lower the standards we as a nation set for ourselves; the standards whereby we raise our children, and God-forbid would never allow these actions to be done by them. We say we honor God and His virtues, and yet now our country has turned into the laughing stock of the world. Having been to Ireland and hearing how people speak of him and of us; we have lost our integrity. We laugh at tweets that ridicule and mock people who think or speak differently. We laugh at the violence that is accepted as the way of the world (from both sides).

It doesn’t matter what my political standing is. I can’t believe that I would stand alone in this. I came to this country as an immigrant, not knowing the possibilities that might lay before me as a foreigner.

I was lucky, I worked hard, with baby steps I attained my goals. I dealt with my setbacks and cheered my victories. I had a career I was proud of because I felt like I made a difference as a teacher in high school, maybe not every day, but I had my shinning moments.

Now as a part of the “baby boomers” I have to ask, how is it that we, as a nation encourage rage and violence instead of tolerance or acceptance. I believe my president to be above the ridicule that he faces. Instead of turning into a bully, my president would be strong, and instead of lying which only permeates the rage, give truth, speak for the people you claim to represent, but not with lies, with truth. I’m a big girl, I can face the truth even if it is bad, but not the lies, not the hatred.

I want my country back. I want honesty to be first and foremost I want to be able to respect the most powerful man in the world instead of fear what he might say or do next. I want a person of honor, who stands tall and instead of ridiculing, I want a person who moves this country forward.

I am 67 years old and I wonder how my coutry will be in a year, 2 years, or even 5 years. I am afraid, more afraid then of anything I have ever been afraid of.

If I offended anyone I’m sorry. I just wanted to speak my truth on this very special day.

One comment on “My Truth on this 4th of July

  1. I feel for your natural mother as well – whilst adoptees suffered compassionate is needed for your natural mother as well – what she went through losing her daughter is something only she can feel and know – impossible to express in words – her true identity destroyed as well which most adoptees seem to forget – mothers gave the miracle of life to their newborns after 9 months within their wombs – it saddens me to read many posts that it is all about adoptees – natural mothers were not involved in adoption – adoption has to do with the adoptive parents not natural parents – I am tired of the abuse because one is a natural mother – tired of the threats and abuse from many adoptees who all seem to forget – what she went through – control threats abuse as if she is the enemy she is not the enemy to her own son daughter – she is the giver of life – torn from her body during birthing process – all adoptees are part of their natural mothers body – and her identity was stripped from her as well – the bitterness angry and so many other emotions towards natural mothers is inhumane and insane – and what the bottom line is how did this world allow such inhumane crimes committed against mother and child – it happened in concentration camps – they found separating mother and child as their medical experiment the mother went wild – and happily days later walked into gas chambers when Josef Mengel finished with his experiment, We continue to condemn Hitler and the Japanese for their cruelty but cruelty against mother and child in the 50./60 brutal and cruel era only brings about abuse and threats – why – why is it that majority of adoptees cannot see what happened to both their own mother and themselves – it would be better to be writing about these atrocities because anything to do with adoptees life – yes their identity was stripped but so was the identity of their natural mothers – in many cases because the men who impregnated them ran away like cowards – yes cowards no different to those men who ran to the hills leaving the French women at the mercy of the Germans during the war – and when the war was over these cowards condemned – paraded these women through the streets with many of them killed – so where are the fathers of the adoptees – blaming the mothers to cover up their own betrayal of their own son/daughter – down under a father has been exposed for his lies and books he has written – he ran away like a coward exposed during television interview – many mothers raped or impregnated through incest – WHERE ARE THESE MEN??? The picture is much bigger than an adoptees prospective – these crimes should never have been committed against mother and child and until that is understood – until the crimes are fully grasped – things will just go around and around in circles – of ignorance – bullying – abusive – threatening society – it is time for all adoptees to ask one question why did you do this to my mother and me – and why did the natural father run away like cowards like the French men during the war? Division brings anger and until adoptees break down the wall that is preventing them from seeing the complete picture – their voices are not being listened to by governments today – more and more newborn babies are being stolen – baby trafficking and baby trading crimes – trading of human flesh – increases – and natural mothers the mothers of those adopted also have a past that must be acknowledged especially by their own sons/daughters – together we can make it a better world and stop baby trafficking crimes and until the mother child miracle becomes the beacon – the world will continue to fall apart

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